


Cormorant Bird

by Vadelith



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Het Relationship, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Het, Multichapter Reylo, Reylo - Freeform, Slowburn Reylo, The Last Jedi - Freeform, f/m - Freeform, slowburn, tlj - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-02-23 17:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13195446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vadelith/pseuds/Vadelith
Summary: Guilt.That's what she felt, clawing at her heart, wishing the thoughts she were thinking would just fall behind her.On a ship surrounded by the closest friends she'd ever known, Rey could not have felt more alone.Yet just weeks after their battle on Crait, a familiar face shows itself in her dreams.The guilt would fall away, in time. Leaving not emptiness,not loss,nor loneliness or pride.Ambition.





	1. At The End of It All

“I’m sorry,” crackled a low, monotonous voice from behind the blue flickers of the hologram that represented it, “But we don’t have anything for you. The First Order came here with their fleet and demanded slaves, resources, everything we have, and I dread to imagine what terrible things the people of this planet must be going through to make good on this.”

“There must be something,” Poe stammered back, leaning over the holodesk with both arms, sweat beading on his forehead, “Just a week’s worth of food, anything, come on, man, we need this.” Sighing, the man behind the hologram went on;

“You know I’m on your side, Poe. We all are. But there’s only so much we can do with First Order blasters lined up to take a shot at us, and you too, at any moment. If we had the resources and the safety, I promise you we’d fulfil any request you had for us.”

“So why-,” Poe said, tensing up, his fingers balling into fists, sweat darkening his jacket.

“I know, Poe. I know. If… by some circumstance we have a little bit left to give you, we will, but right now, we just don’t. I’m sorry.” Poe exhaled sharply, leaning back from the desk.

“Thank you, sir.” He said, spitting a little.

“May the force be with-.” Poe slammed a button on the console, and the hologram cut. Rey, Finn and Leia stood around the table. The room was taken by an eerie silence, the hum of the ship against the faint nothingness of space leaking like ethereal tendrils across the breadth of the ship. After what felt like entire minutes, Finn cleared his throat.

“Poe?” He asked, in as calm and neutral a voice he could manage. No answer. Not even a flinch. “Uh-,”

“Ah!” Poe threw his arms up in resignation, “Damn it, it doesn’t matter.” He turned and started walking off. Finn immediately got up to chase after him, Rey and Leia closely in tow.

“Poe, hey, buddy,” Finn asked, tapping him on the shoulder, gently, “There was nothing we could’ve,”

“Could’ve what?” Poe spat back, “Could’ve done about it? Yeah, I’m aware that no one in a million lightyears wants to give us any kinda help.”

“I was just-,”

“You know, these past few months of constant rejection after rejection made that pretty clear to me, buddy.” The last word he threw out of his mouth like a cold chunk of ice into a still pool. Rey and Leia looked at one another with wide eyes. Poe sighed again. “I’m… hey, I’m sorry, alright?” Finn kept his arms by his sides. “Who am I kidding, you all know what it’s like. We’re all on the same ship, right?” No one knew how to reply, still. Finn took a few steps forward, and rested a hand on Poe’s arm.

“Hey, so… I think there might be a little something left in my bag after Nar Shaddaa,” he said, a snide smile breaking through his calm and caring visage, “Would you maybe wanna…?”

“Drink?” He looked narrow-eyed at Rey, Leia, and then back at Finn.

“Eh, why the hell not.” Finn breathed a sigh of relief, putting an arm around the stress-ridden pilot and took him off to his quarters, turning around and making sure to give Rey a wink before he left. Mustering weak smiles back, the two women took the weight off their feet and stared off into the near distance of the Falcon’s walls.

Rey went to say something, but-

“I know it’s hard,” Leia said, sensing Rey was struggling with her words, “That man is a quick thinker, he’s pragmatic, and he’s impatient. I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t one of the most valuable people on this ship but…” She turned to look down the curving corridor into Finn’s quarters, “You and I both know he’s losing himself.” Rey nodded along, her face solemn and unmoving.

“I know,” she said, her voice whispery and distant, “I don’t think there’s a worse place for him to be.”

“If we had the means to give him space to fight, he’d be his old self again, but…”

“I know.”

“We’re less than a hundred against millions and he knows that.” Looking back to the wall, she slumped further back into her chair, “I suppose I should be glad to have someone so passionate about getting us out of this mess, but I’ve never seen that man more stressed and paranoid in my life.” She chuckled weakly, although it sounded more like a cough than anything else. “Put him up against a hundred TIE Fighters and he wouldn’t break a sweat, but, hell, talking to people? God forbid.” Rey laughed, if only softly. Leia looked at her fondly. Reaching over with one arm, Leia pulled her in close, and Rey rested her head on the General’s chest, her arms holding the young Jedi in close. “Just promise me you won’t blame yourself.” Leia whispered to her.

“Blame myself for what?” She asked.

“Any of this.” She paused to look off without direction. “God,” she mumbled, “We must be insane.” A few minutes passed in silence.

“I should probably get some rest.” Rey said.

“Of course,” the Leia replied, “Least we can do is try to face those cowards well-rested enough, right?” Rey nodded, her weak smile still hanging on.

“Right.” She stood up and went to leave for her quarters.

“Oh- Rey?” The General called after her. Rey turned, “Don’t keep yourself awake worrying, alright? Does none of us any good.” Nodding, she started down the passage in front of her. On the left was a tiny, plastic door, and behind it she saw her cupboard-sized room, with barely enough space to lie down.

Standing in the tiny space beside the rough, grey bedding, she held her arms by her sides, and closed her eyes. She took deep, long, drawn out breaths. She felt her teeth clenching. She tried to stop but couldn’t help it. Her hands balled into fists, her nails digging into her palms. She saw red behind her eyelids, getting brighter and brighter, until-

_BANG._

Her fists slammed against the metal wall, her teeth digging into each other as she pleaded with herself not to scream.

 _“Rey?”_ She heard a familiar voice. She flushed red… and slowly turned around. Kylo Ren was sitting on her bed.

“Get out.” She spat at him, her face flushing a sharp red.

“No!” He blurted out, “No no no wait-,” He raised his arms, looking defensive. Rey looked into his eyes. There was no anger, no sadness like she saw as she closed the Falcon’s doors the last time the force had brought them together… his eyebrows perking up, a tiny smile emerging on his lips, his visage betrayed a look, more than anything, of curiosity.

“I thought…” Rey started-

“I know. Snoke had been bluffing.” Kylo reassured her. “We both knew,” he said, cocking his head to one side and seeing the curiosity emerging from behind Rey’s defensive gaze, “We just didn’t want to admit it.” Rey lowered her arms, her face losing its contortion to reveal its look of sullen regret. “Hey-,” Kylo shuffled to one side, “Why don’t you take a seat?” Rey scoffed, breaking eye contact and folding her arms… before she obliged, and sat next to him. After a few moments of deep breathing, Rey steeled herself and asked him;

“Why this silence?” Kylo’s face didn’t flinch. “Why for so many weeks have I heard nothing from you?” Smiling a little, Kylo put his hands together in a net and broke eye contact.

“This might be hard for you to believe, but the force hasn’t kept us apart. I’m surprised you haven’t felt it too.”

“What?”

“We might not have seen one another, but I’ve felt your every emotion since that day, as vivid as I’d feel something on my own.” Rey tucked her legs up. She became remarkably defensive, keeping her arms crossed. “I’ve felt every twinge of anger from you, Rey.”

“I’ve never hurt anyone-,”

“I know. But it’s there, and you know it is.” Rey sighed as if a terrible weight had just fallen from her shoulders. “You feel so trapped, don’t you?” She inhaled, unsteadily. “It’ll help you if you just say it.” Through trembling lips, Rey mustered;

“Say what?

“What’s making you so angry.” A tear rolled down Rey’s cheek. Kylo wanted to egg her on, but a part of him wanted to give her space. So, he let her answer in her own time. Through a quiet, muffled whisper, Rey finally brought up the strength to speak;

“They’re…” Kylo nodded, slowly. “They’re doomed.”

“Less than a hundred starving rebels on one freighter, and you’re getting angrier and angrier by the day.” Rey shakily nodded, her teeth chattering, tears streaming from both eyes;

“They’re- they’re so determined… all of them.” Kylo nodded along with her every word. “I see Poe’s hair falling out in the bathroom, I catch Finn crying in his bunk… it’s breaking them, every day, every rejection…”

“I know.” Kylo said, their eyes meeting again. “I know.” Shuffling closer, he took a deep breath. “Rey.” His breath became shaken and uneven now, too. “The longer you hide, the more the people you love are going to get hurt. You still have a chance.”

“I can’t-,”

“I know, Rey, I know, you made your choice- but-,” He clenched his teeth, closed his eyes, and looked away. Rey shuffled closer.

“Ben?”

His eyes opened. His face was bright red.

“You’re not angry.” She said, still trembling with nerves, “You’re afraid.”

“Rey-,”

“I can’t.” Shaking her head, tears thick like rivers, “I’m all they have. I can’t leave them all alone.”

“But- but to what end?” Kylo asked back, raising his voice.

“I know their hope is nearly gone… but what’ll it be without me? One by one they’ll all desert until the Resistance is dead, and you’ll have won.” Their eyes met, ice drawn in the line between them.

“Please.” Her heart thumping in her throat, Rey closed her eyes.

“No.”

…

Silence.

Opening his eyes, Kylo Ren saw the cold, sterile interior of his capital ship. Letting out a vent of hot breath, he buried his head in his hands.

“Supreme Leader.” Looking up and across the room, the sullen sadness that had gripped him vanished. His hands balled into fists as he stared into the remorseless gaze of the snivelling General Hux. “Your Fourth Legion has been waiting on their address for more than two hours, Ren.”

“Leave me.” Kylo uttered through gritted teeth.

“Supreme Leader?” Hux asked, his lips dripping with malcontent, his disrespect for the bearer of the title overwhelming, “Are you forgetting our position? The Resistance flees still, growing in strength,” he walked toward Kylo Ren, his boots clicking on the metal floor, “and here you sit, sulking among it.”

“I said,” Kylo Ren ordered, his teeth impaling one another, “Leave me.”

“I will do as you say, Supreme Leader, when and only when you give your soldiers the respect they deserve-,” His words were cut short. He clutched his throat, gagging. Kylo lifted the hapless Hux off his shiny boots, and drew him closer.

“Who do you presume to talk to?” He asked, his words emerging like spikes, shaken with rage. “The Resistance is less than a hundred strong… and you think to lecture me on speeches? Addresses?” Hux wheezed from his constricted throat, clutching at it like a rabid dog clawing its cage. “You want to inspire the men of this Order?” Pulling his hand back, Kylo Ren threw Hux against the wall, releasing him. Almost as a rag doll, the orange-haired General fell limp to the ground. The Supreme Leader walked, sultrily, over to him. “Do it yourself.” And with that, he motioned for the door, which slid open, and Hux crawled out, shaking and afraid.

However, as he skulked away, Hux grinned, slyly, pulling a holocron out of his pocket. He turned it on, and in the blue flickering that poured out, he could see himself choked by the Supreme Leader, and hear the words spat at him. Pocketing it, the General continued down the corridor, pocketing his hands, unable to hide the unstable grin on his face.

***

As the Falcon soared through lightspeed, its corridors were dark, lit only by the effervescent light from the galaxy leaking through its tiny windows. Rey couldn’t sleep. She’d been lying in her cupboard quarters for hours, her mind ablaze with messy thoughts and emotions. She had decided to take a walk, and so was treading slowly along the metal floors, her bare arms freezing. The darkness in the corners of the ship seemed to grow darker as she walked. Resistance fighters sat slumped over tables, fast asleep, their eyes closed or hanging open, empty. As she reached the common area, the familiar life of the room was gone, with the flickering yellow lights off.

She felt a presence creeping towards her, like a creature sneaking out of the shadows. Fear gripped her heart like a claw. Her eyes darted from wall to wall, seeing only the darkness that enwrapped her. Trembling, her arms folded, she uttered through shaken breath;

“Ben?”

Ben Solo had awoken to no less than a hundred First Order blasters with their barrels staring him down. Groggy, exhausted, with nothing to cover his chest, he strained his neck to look around. His bed had been surrounded.

“Kylo Ren.” A high-pitched, squeaky voice said from behind the mass of Stormtroopers. Hux moved through the tight formation, and down upon his Supreme Leader with a smile draped in malice. “You stand accused of abusing your lower in command, and of unhinged mental stability.

“What are you doing…?” Kylo asked, his voice trembling.

“Saving the First Order.” Hux snapped his fingers, and the Stormtroopers moved to one side, clearing a small hole in their formation to the door. “We will allow you safe passage off of this ship. But once outside of the range of our cannons, you are banished from the First Order’s worlds and capital ships…” taking a few steps closer, Hux drew out his next words like dripping meat on a string, “Under pain of death.” Goosebumps riddled his arms and back. Removing his bedclothes, Kylo Ren sat up on his bed.

“Don’t try to resist, Ren. Even with that lightsabre, you’ll never resist more than a hundred Imperial blasters.” Looking down at his former superior, Hux’s eyes seemed needle sharp. He was sweating. Kylo could feel his heart pounding, and he knew Hux could see it beat through his bare chest. “Oh-,” The General said, his smirk remaining, “Before I forget.” He snapped his fingers again, and a stormtrooper filed down the empty space, and brought him his robe. “We wouldn’t want you to get cold on your journey, Ren.” It took ever ounce of his will not to choke the General there and then, but he resisted. Taking the black shawl, hood and robe, Kylo stood up, and started walking down the emptied part of the room. At least twelve Stormtroopers filed after him, their blasters trained on his back.

As he went through the door, he saw his command vessel, stripped of its cannons, the ramp lowered.

“Quickly now, Ren.” Hux smirked. Kylo’s temper burned against his skin, his veins popping, but still he wouldn’t let himself explode. Marched up the ramp, he watched as the Stormtroopers forcefully shut it from the outside. A hologram appeared on the bridge to Kylo’s left. It was Hux, again.

“You have thirty minutes to evacuate this system, Ren, before we eliminate you. The First Order will not bow to the screaming selfishness of a child gone mad any longer.” The tiny, blue vision of the General looked down at the floor, before its eyes slanted up to meet Ren’s, accompanied by a smile that curved from ear to ear. “May the force be with you, Supreme Leader.”

Floating through the mists of the galaxy, Kylo Ren watched helpless as the bleak raven oblivion beyond the bridge became filled with a dripping crimson, swelling to a burning scarlet. He closed his eyes, and screamed.

***

Curled up in a chair, Rey felt a harsh fear flowing through her, yet knew not where it came from. The darkness in the corners of the ship had gone, yet this nameless, directionless fear remained like a stagnant disease. Not wanting to be overheard, she quickly scurried back to her room and shut the door tightly. Sitting, cross-legged on her bed, she closed her eyes, and reached out.

She saw him curled up in a revolving chair at the helm of his command vessel, with four other chairs scattered about it. Bright silver streaks spun around the room, etched deep in the ship’s dark paint. Slowly, hearing her words, he looked up. The look of confident curiosity in his visage was gone. Instead, the swollen eyes of a dog kicked by its master. Rey felt no anger towards him. Her hands lay relaxed by her sides, her heart relaxed and beating slowly. She walked over, knelt down, and rested her head on his shoulder. She felt him flinch, just a little. Rey thought about the weeks behind her, and let out a harsh, warm breath. And despite the lightyears between them, Ben could still feel it cascading over his body, as could she his thick, matted hair cushioning her face. They sat there sharing not a word for what felt like so, so long. They each felt a warmth, sitting beside one another. No anger, no fear, just warmth. Comfort. Like the fireside where they’d first held hands.

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” Rey said, softly.

“I know.” Ben assured her, the bass of his deep voice moving through her like an energy. Rey could hear a muffled voice in the back of her head, but couldn’t make out who it was. “I think somebody needs you, Rey.” She let out another heavy, hot sigh.

“I’m sorry, Ben.” She said, pushing her head in closer. He didn’t answer… but Rey felt what he meant. Their eyes closed, and when the two opened them, the other was gone. The cold, ripped emptiness of the command vessel, and the claustrophobic metal of the cupboard in the Falcon.

“Rey?” Finn asked, standing at her door.

“Coming.” She said, gathering herself, and moving for the door.

 


	2. An Unlikely Counsellor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Rey becomes nervous at Poe Dameron's growing hatred for the First Order and his resolve to preserve the life of the Resistance waning, she consults Ben Solo for help; but the therapy they share is hardly what she bargained for.

It was lunchtime on the Falcon, and what few rations they had to spare were being handed out by a green-skinned alien in the common area. Walking in, Finn and Rey saw Poe sitting with Leia around the Dejarik table, gesturing for them to come over. Collecting their pouches of white food matter, they pulled up a couple of chairs and sat down.

“Now,” the pilot began, “I hate to throw you guys in headlong, but I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.” Rey swallowed. “You guys are no stranger to the fact that we’re kinda on our last legs here, right? I don’t think I’m shocking either of you by saying that?” They each shook their heads. “Exactly. So, we need to pull something off sooner or later, or we’re gonna run out of this…” He looked down at his rations, poking the damp sludge around with a spoon, “Stuff. And hence we’re gonna need to take something back from the First Order.”

“So… what are you suggesting?” Finn asked, leaning in a little closer.

“See, having been in the Resistance a while,” Poe elaborated, “I can tell you that we’re not gonna be able to make off with anything from a First Order supply depot. Not only are those things heavily guarded, they’re wired up to their galactic mainframe. They see us, whole Order’s gonna know where we are.” He sat up, and stretched. “So, we need to really strike at their heart. Get the order scrambling so we can go in, snatch enough to survive, and get out. That’s why-,” he raised his voice, sticking his spoon into his food, and leaving it there, standing upright, “We need to take out the Supreme Leader.” Rey choked on her food.

“What?” Finn asked, his eyes wide, his voice cracking.

“Wouldn’t even be a battle.” Poe chirped from behind a wicked grin, “Just a political assassination. One guy, off the map. Whole Order loses their minds, we make off with weapons and supplies, hell, might even convince a few to desert if we’re lucky.” Finn leant back and nodded, slowly. Smiling, Poe looked over to Rey… and his smile faded. “Rey?”

“Hmm?” She replied, her mouth full.

“What’s the matter? Don’t like the food?”

“Oh-,” she swallowed, “Um-,”

“You alright?” He asked. His head was cocked to one side, one eyebrow raised. She looked over at Finn, who was doing the same.

“I…” she began, trailing off.

“Yeah?” Poe spoke up, filling the silence.

“It’s too risky, isn’t it?”

“I mean, anything’s too risky at this point.” He shrugged. “Count how many lumps there are in that shit,” he said, gesturing to her food, “Guarantee you there’s more in that than there are people on this ship. One botched plan, we’re finished.” Rey looked over at Leia, who slowly nodded.

“I know.” The General said, “Not the sort of thing I’d approve of, but… given the circumstance?” Her eyes trailed listlessly around the room, “What else can we do?”

“And I tell you something,” Poe interrupted, “You ask any one of the fighters left on this ship, and they’ll tell you how tired they are of running. All of ‘em know what we’re up against, and they know aimlessly jumping from planet to planet politely asking for help isn’t gonna be good for squat.” With a deep breath, he sat back and tried to calm himself down. “I know it’s crazy. But crazy might be all we have left. And I wanna know, honestly…” his eyes glared into the other pairs around the table, almost icily. “Are you in?”

“I am.” Finn laid his blaster down on the table. Poe’s face lit up.

“Alright! Right away, man?”

“It’s like you say,” Finn deliberated, “They’re tired of running, and so am I. Back on Crait, I was about to drive into a battering ram cannon for the Resistance, and the fact that I’m still alive…” he glanced around the room, but didn’t seem to find anything. “It’s a miracle.” He reached across the table and shook hands with Poe. “And it’d be a damn shame if I wasted that, so I’m with you till the end.” Poe took Finn’s hand in his vicelike grip and shook with gusto.

“That’s what I’m talkin’ about!” He laughed, and then, as if like clockwork, he slowly turned to Rey. “So how about you?” His tone became almost accusatory, as the smile slipped from his face like water from a stone.

“I think…” She began, not being ready to answer but, under that pressure, saying anything to fill the silence, “I think I just need some time to think.” Groaning, Poe nodded.

“I know it’s a lot to ask,” he said, with a hint of resentment behind his words, “Take all the time you need.” Rey pushed her chair aside, leaving a good three quarters of her food uneaten. She turned and started walking away without a word. “Hey!” Poe called after her, “You gonna eat this?” She kept walking, not hesitating for a second, making what felt like an insane dash for her room. She yanked the tiny plastic door open and practically tumbled inside. She shut the door behind her, and slid down to the ground against it, her knees level with her eyes.

She felt her heart beat a little faster. The fear and trepidation she felt before started slipping away. She shivered, arching her back. Her teeth chattered. Her heart beat faster still. She closed her eyes… and reached out.

_“Rey?”_

He’d answered. Heart still beating, she looked over and saw Ben sitting across from her, his left leg drawn up to his face like hers, with his right trailing listlessly over the floor.

“Hey.” She murmured.

“You’re upset,” He said, “What’s wrong?” Rey chuckled at him. “What?” He asked, puzzled, if a little offended.

“So, you’re just going to sit and talk with me like we’re old friends?” She inquired.

“I…” He stammered, “I don’t know what else you want from me.”

“That’s the trouble, isn’t it?”

“What is?” Rey rolled her eyes, and kept her focus broken, choosing to explore the mucky grime on her quarters’ floor.

“Nothing.” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his teeth clench, a heavy, snorting breath exhuming from his nostrils, but no protest. Resignation.

“I still sense something wrong,” he pushed through, “Go on.” Rey didn’t answer. Breaking eye contact this time, Ben offhandedly asked; “Think back to the island.”

“Oh, of course-,”

“No, go on. Rey.” Silence. “You saw me kill Han Solo. You called me a monster, a… what was it, a murderous snake?” Silence, still. “Then after you were scared, we sat and talked by the fireside for hours about how lonely we were.” Again, silence, deafening. “I don’t want to accept it either, yet here we are. Just hit me. I’m not going anywhere.”

Rey closed her eyes again. She sniffed. She took a deep breath.

“I… I am worried that even if I stay, that the Resistance won’t survive.”

“What- you feel like you don’t have control over what happens?”

“Yeah- yes, exactly.” She perked up just a bit. “I know you’re long gone but, um, Poe? You probably don’t know him, wants to assassinate you.”

“With less than a hundred on a freighter?”

“I know!” Ben took a moment to think.

“Would you say he’s emotionally stable?” Rey scoffed.

“He’s far from insane, but leadership is hardly his forte. And, more than that, what’s worse is the undying loyalty so many people have to him. Like Finn.”

“Of course.”

“What?”

“I’m just glad he isn’t a traitor to everyone he works for. Carry on.” Rey rolled her eyes.

“I just… I can’t escape the feeling that one day, someone is going to do something, and I won’t be able to stop them, and that’ll just be it. Everyone on the ship will die, and the Resistance will perish. After everyone who’s given their lives to its survival, it’ll just be snuffed out like nothing ever happened.” Ben had been nodding along, gently, with everything she’d been saying.

“I understand. You put it very well…” He looked up at her before he went on, “I can tell you’ve been dealing with this for a long time.”

“I mean I-,”

“I felt it. In moments of silence I felt this… trapped feeling?” Rey snorted behind a straight face.

“That’s it, yeah.”

Ben started tapping the floor, like he was trying to distract himself. He took a deep breath. He steeled himself.

“Rey… I don’t want to say this in the wrong way, but what you’re feeling means something. You said you saw my future, didn’t you?” Rey groaned.

“But what do I _do_ , Ben? If I stay, we all die, and if I leave, I abandon my friends. They’re emotional, making… _stupid_ choices, but I love them, and I know there’s no way they would ever come with me.” Ben started shaking his head. “What? What does that mean? Ben?”

“This isn’t you talking.”

“What?”

“You’re not talking about what _you_ want. You’re stuck behind expectation.”

“Yes,” she said, raising her voice, “The expectation not to abandon the people who love and care for me, what’s your point?”

“I hear what you’re saying, Rey, I do. But you already know the answer.”

…

“It’s they die, or you die with them. Please- try to-,”

_BANG._

Rey slammed the wall of her quarters. Her face was bright red, her chest heaving, her forehead dripping. Ben wanted to say something, but couldn’t. He sat and waited, watching her slowly catch her breath, and pull her clenched fist away from the wall.

“I know.” She whispered, broken. “I either join you-,” She choked, as if the words got caught in her throat, “Or I’ll die with them.”

“Rey.” He said, keeping eye contact firm and strong, “Listen to me, for just the next minute or so. Promise me a minute.” Her body still enraptured by the anger she felt, Rey clenched her fists and tried, perhaps on her better judgement, to calm down. Ben’s pupils dilated, as he prepped his throat, and began to speak.

“Rey, you’re a dreamer, aren’t you? All those years on Jakku you spent hungering for more, never satisfied with what you had. Your mind was always somewhere else, somewhere you weren’t so alone. Your dreams were vivid and wild, and you always wanted a place to belong.” She felt a strange mixture of shock at how well he knew her thoughts, yet also intrigue at where he’d take this. “For someone like you, with such an imagination, your thinking right now is surprisingly pragmatic, isn’t it? You know, deep inside, that there’s more good in the galaxy than just on that ship.” Rey could hear Ben’s heart pounding against his chest. He was sweating. “You and I are the most powerful force sensitives in the galaxy. You feel that, don’t you?” Rey saw Ben’s teeth start to chatter. “If we… if you and I, joined together, Rey, we’d be unstoppable. And you know it.” He shuffled closer to her. “They might die, I know. I know. But if they’re gone, the First Order will reign forever with no Resistance to stop it. But with you and I to challenge them? We could build so much more than a dogmatic Republic or fascist Empire.” Ben was still trembling. “The galaxy needs balance, Rey. And I can’t create balance on my own.” Rey could feel his final words coming. She read his lips and almost mimed along as he spoke in his soft, deep, voice.

“I need you.”

Silence.

Ben couldn’t stop quivering. Rey looked down at the floor, her mind swirling, static clogging her vision. Her head heavy, she nodded, ever so slowly.

“Do you need some space?” He asked.

Nothing.

Rey closed her eyes and slumped further against the door. When she opened them, Ben was gone. Only the soft, blueish glow of lightspeed churning outside her miniscule porthole window. She became soaked in its ethereal glow, sailing past, leaving her behind in half the blink of an eye. She stood up, and crept over to the window, gazing out into star-studded oblivion. She felt goosebumps riddle her body. Peering out into the void, none could look back and see her, but if there were someone staring back, they would have seen her smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks for reading- hope you guys enjoyed this one. As I write this I'm flying out to the States for a few days, so I might not be able to update for a little while. But Chapter 3 is gonna come soon enough so please remember to bookmark if you're enjoying the direction this is taking. Love you!


	3. Darkness Rises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns of the Resistance's plans to recover more power and lead their assault on the Supreme Leader, while Ben Solo sits aboard his ship, in the middle of an abandoned Outer Rim system, feeling the weight of his sins crush him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a slower chapter this time. Hope you guys enjoy! Flexing my descriptive writing is such fun.

Rey pulled her door closed tight, taking extra care that it didn’t slam. She took her satchel off her head and gently took out the small scraps of metal and leather she’d ripped from the ship’s interior. And, at the very bottom, she pulled out the two halves of Luke Skywalker’s legendary saber. She laid out all the scraps and the two shattered pieces in front of her, each crumbled half of the kyber crystal twinkling in the galaxy’s shining stars. She knelt, and placed her hands on her knees. Bowing her head, she closed her eyes, and enraptured the fragments in her mind. She felt an energy, her energy, begin to course and flow between them, like rivers churning and overflowing onto their banks. At the beginning, she felt the metal scraps curving and slicing themselves into round, cylindrical plates, the shavings curling into perfect straight shafts. They glided, effortlessly, as if the air between them simply wasn’t there at all. The black streaks on the hilt of the saber slid off, without even damaging the material they sat on. Three of the six matte black streaks glided over to the other end of the weapon, where they aligned with the three that stayed the same in perfect symmetry.

Until this point, Rey had felt serenity and peace with her and the weapon. A purpose to do good with it. But suddenly she felt something new take its place. She started to feel goose bumps ride up and down her spine, chilling her to her core. She felt the saber’s hilt start to peel away, and heard as the metal screeched against itself. A perfect circle had formed on the base of the hilt. Teeth chattering, Rey felt the energy fade from the saber, and she opened her eyes. It had doubled in length, the hilt and bladed end resembling each other perfectly. She reached down and took the saber in her hand, examining the new hilt with its hole, perfectly supported by struts and plates. She looked down at the tiny, leathery black button on the shaft. She held the weapon out, and pressed it.

A blinding blue light poured from both ends of the saber, the burning hum reverberating off the walls of her room like a rumbling engine. Unlike the saber had been before, the blades shone less like a controlled beam and more like a hissing flow of white light, sparks flowing and churning around it. The blades together became so long they could barely fit inside her quarters. Staring into the piercing blue of the upper blade, Rey felt shivers echo through her body. She smiled, and gazed out into the unknown. Turning the saber off, she twirled it around, and fixed it to her belt.

More time had passed than she had expected; in her haze the Falcon’s lights had turned on and Resistance fighters were shuffling from room to room as per usual. Strolling into the common area, Rey saw, like yesterday, Finn, Leia, and Poe, sitting around the Dejarik table, each with worried looks on their faces.

“So, when we land,” she overheard Poe deliberating, “Only Finn and I are getting off. We make the deal, and we leave. Nothing more to it.” Rey took a seat at the table. “Ah.” Poe acknowledged her, looking her up and down. “Glad to see one of us is feeling alright this morning.”

“What’s going on?” She asked, blanking his greeting. Looking a little surprised, Poe started filling her in.

“We’ve had a call from the planet we’re orbiting about a potential care package for us. Ships, food, weapons, all of it. Apparently the First Order hasn’t gotten to them yet, so they want to give their resources to the good guys before the bad show up. We’re about to land and make the deal official.”

“Oh.” Rey said, feeling a small pang in her chest.

“Are you alright, Rey?” Finn asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. “This is big, you know? First steps into something bigger.”

“Yeah,” she said, “that’s incredible.” She swallowed. “Am I needed during the transfer?”

“It’ll be useful if you stay on the ship, just in case something goes wrong.” Poe told her. “If everything is at it’s looking, we’ll load up our new ships and get going right away, but we wanna be prepared.”

“Yeah, of course.” Rey concurred, still, her stomach churning slightly. She felt off.

“Well, we’ll be on the surface after we make initial negotiations from up here, so sit tight, and we might just be on our way to a brighter future.” Rey nodded and mustered the sweetest smile she could manage.

“Let’s… hope everything goes okay.” She said, her words almost getting stuck in her throat. Poe looked a little disturbed, but let it be.

“Just be ready when we land.” The group, collectively, started getting up and leaving. Rey was first, of course. Strolling down the corridors, she felt the pain in her chest sting. There was nothing wrong with her, it wasn’t a physical pain and she knew that. Regardless, she steeled herself, reaching down to touch her new lightsaber. It was cold to the touch, but a comforting presence nonetheless.

 _“You’re troubled again.”_ She heard Ben Solo’s voice echo through her head. The Resistance fighters walked in droves around her, so she quickly skipped back into her quarters. He was standing at the end of the room, still just a foot or so away from her.

“How-,” she began, closing her door, “How bored must you be to come here whenever I’m even slightly upset?”

“Oh-,” he said, blushing a little, “I mean- I stopped in the Outer Rim to get some food but I’ve mostly just been sitting around.”

“Sitting around?”

“Yeah.” She looked down at his hands. Gloveless, she could see ink gathering in blotches on his skin.

“Your hands have been busy though.” He took a glance down at his mitts. His face flushed a bright red.

“Oh- that’s-,” He fumbled for an excuse, “Just some, uh… paint, from the uh-,”

“Paint?” Rey looked at him in disbelief trying to mask a cheeky smile. Ben looked up with a straight face as if he’d given up on trying to lie but didn’t want to admit. Rey decided to save him the embarrassment.

“I just-,” he continued, “is something wrong? Something I can help with?”

“The Resistance is making a deal today- it might be the turning point in the fight turning in their favour.” Ben seemed taken aback.

“And… you’re… upset?” Rey sighed.

“I… I don’t know. Really.”

“If you don’t know,” he said, “It’s probably best to wait and see how things play out.”

“That’s true, I suppose.”

“Good.” He said. “Just… see how you feel. Give it time.”

“I will.” She said. The two smiled at each other, meekly, trying to avoid eye contact. “For an ex-Supreme Leader, you _do_ give very good advice.” Again, Ben made a double take.

“Well,” he blushed, “I guess…” He trailed off. Rey could feel something inside him. A growing sadness that latched onto her, too. She could see, faintly, beneath his cloak, his stomach contorting, and his hands balling into fists.

“Either way.” She said, and noticed the darkness she felt seeping away, just a bit, “I’ll take your advice.”

“Good. I’ll uh-,” he looked around the room, listlessly, “Come back if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Ben.” They closed their eyes, and when they opened them, Ben Solo was, once again, alone on his command vessel. He looked down at his desk, his inkwell and pens sitting in a puddle of gloopy black ink. He blinked, and his eyes trailed over to the old, crumpled parchment beneath him, a detailed, shaded and lined sketch of Rey’s face drawn in that same ink staring back. It was how she’d looked when she came to the supremacy, her hair down about her shoulders, her eyes stark and black against the pale brilliant white of her skin. He shivered, before rolling the parchment up, binding it in elastic and laying it, albeit delicately, in a metal drawer beneath the desk. He spun around on his revolving chair and let the image of his ship’s bridge sink in.

He had stopped near to an Outer Rim sun, its warm glow seeping through the windows and filling the room with an ethereal golden light. Boxes of exotic Outer Rim food lay in piles on the floor, the four chairs still discarded amongst them. Globules of sauces and spices gathered around them. His socks were caked in them. The windows were starting to get clogged up with muck and scum, dashes of dust and debris gathering and obscuring his view of the outside day by day. He took a long breath, and upon exhaling, his throat caught, and he choked. Dust poured out, illuminated by the soft stream of sunlight cascading over the floor. He looked up and watched it, swirling overhead like an eddy in a river.

He turned around, pulled out a small scrap of parchment, and one of his ink pens, and started strolling the corridors of his ship. He started crudely scrawling on it as he went.

_It’s been almost three weeks. The things I have to look forward to and enjoy are getting smaller every day. I have my paper and pens, I have my ship,_

He stopped, and looked out. The sun was blinding him through a huge window that spanned the height of the ship, from roof to floor. He let its light cover him, his dark visage outlined by the warm orange of the sun. Letting more dust flow out of him with a hacking sigh, he continued,

_And I have her._

He felt a hundred words swirling around his head, but… none seemed to stick. He dropped the parchment on the floor, and pocketed his pen, and started walking again. His eyes trailed the corridors finding nothing to focus on. He felt so tired. He’d woken up not an hour ago, yet his eyes already wanted him to lie back down and give himself to sleep. In his mind’s eye he could see his tiny black and red ship against the infinite darkness of space around him. He had walked to the rear of the ship, another wide window showed him the steady blue and white of the ship’s thrusters against more and more of the oblivion just inches away.

He reached down and took hold of his lightsaber. He held it up before his eyes and twirled it, slowly, his eyes glossing over the dark, rusted mantle with its red wires tied haphazard around it. His finger trailed up to its button; and after what felt like minutes, he let his thumb press down. The red blades burned out of the weapon, crimson sparks swirling through the air, mingling with the dust. His eyes focused, at first, on the hissing and spitting blades, their heat burning against his face, his scar, before he looked beyond, at the window. He extended his arm, and let the tip of his saber lie barely a centimetre from it. He held it there, the screaming sword roaring at him, for a time until his arm could scarcely hold itself up. The unlit ship casting half of his face in shadow, the light of the sun scorching a bright white light upon the other. Clenching his fist around the saber, he gently reached forward… and turned it off.

He sunk against the floor. He could see her in his mind’s eye again. Her hair fluttering against the wind. Had she landed already? She was amongst a swathing crowd. Beneath his heavy skin, Ben couldn’t help but gently smile at her. He laid his weapon on the ground, and closed his eyes. His ship floated on, the thrusters waning, the stars gazing at Ben Solo, the boy whose fateful journey he’d decided not to end, just yet.


	4. And Light To Meet It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance follow up on their anonymous offer for aid on the planet Hutta. What happens here will change Rey's life forever.

Hutta. The air a thick, damp disease clinging to the skin of whomever walked its surface, hot and humid like a swamp coursing through the wind. The sky a murky yellow, the leaves on the trees a soggy and scummy brown, the ground a thick and sticky beige. Of all the lowliest, disgusting barrels in the galaxy, there could be no more likely a place for the Resistance to scrape the bottom of than Hutta.

Ben watched through lazy eyes at Rey, standing at the foot of the Falcon’s ramp, studying the atmosphere. She was sweating under the humidity, he could almost feel it on his own skin. Her hair was getting matted and greasy, thick with it. He could see, through her mind’s eye, Poe, Leia and Finn, walking side by side, armed with twenty Resistance soldiers, toward a colossal Hutt, his thick slug-like body draped across the stairs to a humungous palace behind him. The pathway they walked was cloaked by towering houses, rusted metal walls caked in dirt and soot, nuts and bolts falling around them, rooms built jutting out from one another like the branches of a tree. Although he could only hear what little Rey could hear, everything felt far too quiet. As if the birds in the trees had stopped calling, the children in the street had stopped playing. Just the quiet, determined marching of the diminished Resistance, walking toward their hope.

Suddenly, harmoniously, Ben and Rey each felt something in unison. A feeling passed through them both. Their hearts began to race. They each traced the buildings surrounding the Resistance. Strange men and aliens in mysterious clothing of all colours and kinds were staring out of their doors. Trandoshans, Rodians… and Mandalorians. Bounty hunters. They watched, helpless, as they began arming blasters, grenade launchers, all manner of terrifying weapons, and aiming down the path at the Resistance. Rey clutched her saber on her belt, her hands sweating and clenching, hard, veins bursting. Ben felt anger building in her heart, fear, fury, a flurry of emotion.

He had one chance.

He reached out… and put a hand on her shoulder. In shock, Rey turned around and saw him. She shuddered.

“Rey-,” Ben said, trying to calm her,

“No-,” Rey called out, backing off,

“There’s nothing you can do-,”

“Ben!” She spat at him, her voice drenched thick in rage… before it dwindled away, and Ben saw her jaw begin to tremble. Her words came out uneven and stammered; “Y-y-your mother is in there.” She looked him in the eyes as tears began streaming out. She’d cried in front of him so many times she barely thought to hide it. “Leia is in there.” Ben slowly let his eyes drift to the crowd… where he saw her. His mother, turned from the group, staring right back at him. Her face sullen and falling, she closed her eyes, and with her right hand, keeping it by her waist, she waved to him. She smiled. And she let a tear roll down her cheek.

_BANG._

A blaster bolt flew from a house on Ben’s left, and took out a member of the Resistance. A moment of silence. Panic. The soldiers turned and looked around, panicked. A million words flew like bullets through Rey’s mind. She ignited her saber, the brilliant blue scorching against the thick yellow of the ground. Ben tried to take hold of her again. She squirmed against his influence, her eyes wide with fear, staring back at the princess. At her friends, Finn, Poe, Rose. Their eyes as wide as hers. Leia’s locked with Rey’s, and as the Resistance raised their weapons, she heard one word pass through her mind.

_“Go.”_

A barrage flew in from all sides, and consumed her in a burning fire.

“NO!” Rey screamed. Ben’s grip on her grew tighter. “LET ME GO!” She shrieked at him, her voice burning the edges of her throat. Ben became drowned in a desperation. He took both of her shoulders and shook her in a vicelike grip.

“If you go in and die, what do you accomplish?” He spat at her. Ben felt the anger in her as she felt the fear in him. She could hear the booming blaster fire from behind her, the displaced screams of her friends. She opened her mouth and screamed in his face, her mind burning, her eyes streaming. She dropped her saber. She plunged her face into his chest and screamed into the cloth, clutching it with both of her hands. Ben could think of nothing to say.

Time had seemed to slow to a halt around them. Columns of fire stretched high into the skies, polluting the coursing yellow with a blinding red and black. The hell and brimstone billowed around them like a hurricane. It had slowed before them until they could almost make out each ember among the flurry of whirling flame.

Ben reached out with a hand, and placed it, gently, on Rey’s head, while she screamed and cried into his coat. He wanted to take her away, to make sure she’d be safe. But he knew he couldn’t take her anywhere. She’d been frozen by her sadness, taken captive by her fear. He felt it too. The feelings pulsing through her came out as a violent storm, its contents foreign and impossible to see. Like mixing a million paints and gazing into the black mess, trying to make out one colour from the next. So, he just let it be. Standing on a ramp into a burning wasteland, the last of the Jedi sobbing into his chest. He noticed Rey’s frantic sobbing had subdued into silent tears, her hands letting his coat go and hanging down beside her. Taking a deep breath, Ben leant down and whispered, gentle as the wind;

“Take the ship. Come and find me.” He could feel her take a solemn breath.

…

“Okay.” She murmured, broken. She picked her saber off the ground, and walked, slowly, up into the ship. At the door, she turned around, and gazed out into the climbing smoke and raging fire below. She could barely make it out through the tears in her eyes. Ben didn’t say a word as he watched the ramp close in front of her. He closed his eyes, just as he could hear the engines start to whir, and opened them back on his ship, the emptiness of space piercing him like the hundred times it had before.

Ben sat in his chair relating to Rey’s flurry of emotion. He couldn’t tell the difference between his guilt, his regret, his anticipation, none of it. He had a look at his room… and noticed the countless boxes of food spilled around the place, sauces and spices staining the floors. He got up, panicked, running to a closet near the back of the ship and pulling out an old mop. He didn’t know how long she’d be… but he wanted his ship to be presentable.

***

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

There was a transmission incoming on the holodesk. Ben leant forward and accepted.

“Rey?” He asked, his eyes lighting up.

“Where do I find you?” She asked, her voice monotonous and distant.

“Oh… Oh I’ll send you my co-ordinates right now.” He tapped away on the desk until a tiny green light shone up. “There we go.”

“Thanks.” She had ended the transmission. Ben looked back at the room. Spotless. He was, for a moment, even a little proud of himself.

***

Ben sat at his desk, sketching some more. He had drawn a portrait of his mother. He felt oddly passive when he thought about her. Perhaps after his father he’d become numb to it all. He rolled the drawing up and stowed it alongside his sketch of Rey. As he was closing the drawer, he paused. He reached in and withdrew his drawing of Rey. Unravelling it, he felt a strange pang of guilt looking into her inky-black eyes. He took out his pen and pushed the lower half against the desk, putting the nib against it and writing, in beautiful calligraphy;

“Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.”

He closed his eyes, pushing his feelings aside. After a few moments, he nodded, rolled the drawing up, and put it away. Amidst the feeling of guilt and regret, he felt a tiny glimmer of hope shining through. His conscience wanted him to believe that, at least. He was feeling more hope than he had in years.

***

Time passed like molasses. Between drawing sketches and pacing the halls of the ship, Ben checked his ship’s chronometer and found every hour like days or weeks. It was 18:32. He could feel himself shivering every time he went to check it, with a feeling in his gut that reminded him of the thrill of a battle, with the low blow of a defeat whenever he saw how little time had passed in the eternity he felt.

***

It must have been an entire day by now. He checked his chronometer yet again.  20:34.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

The holodesk rang again. He practically sprinted up and answered. It was her.

“I’m here.” She said. Ben glanced out of his window, and, sure enough, his heart thumping through his chest, he saw the Millennium Falcon drifting just a short while away.

“It’s- it’s great to see you, I, uh,” he tried to stop stammering, to act formal, “How do you- uh- how do you want to do this? Should we dock at a planet nearby or-?”

He turned back to the desk. The hologram was empty. Confused, he tapped the desk. His gut felt a low pang. Where was she? He glanced out of the window, and saw a tiny white object floating through the depths of space toward his ship. He felt relieved. Hurriedly, his feet raced over the cold metal floors to the base of the ship, where its tiny one-person hangar lay. A single-file walkway was drawn around an exit in the floor. He pressed a few buttons, and the giant claw-like metal doors slid open. Standing in the doorway, his pulse thumped in his throat. He thought he should prep his hair, maybe change his clothes, but it was too late now.

He could see her, past the glimmering white of the field between them. The tiny white coffin-shaped escape pod jetted slowly beneath him, until it stopped, and began floating upward. It glided over the threshold, as Ben tried to make her out through the glass. Suspended above the ground by its jets, he pressed the same buttons again, the doors closed, and she drifted gently to the floor. He clambered down and looked through the glass. It had steamed up. He watched as it cleared, his hands nervous and withdrawn to opening the pod just yet, and saw her puffy eyes, her brilliant crystal white skin drenched in tears. With a deep breath, he pulled open the scummy grey door. Free to leave, Rey lay there without a word for a few moments.

“Welcome.” Ben said. He felt stupid right away. “You can… you can get out whenever you want.” He felt stupid again. As he turned to leave, she put a hand on the side and climbed out, lazily, still in her same training garments, her saber by her side. Without so much as a look or a word, she walked past him into the ship. “Uh-,” Ben chased after her, “It’s late- there’s a guest room in the back, it’s, it’s uh, it’s pretty small, but, I’ll-,” Rey ignored him. “It’s right over here.” She followed him to the black metal door, and as Ben motioned it open, Rey went inside, found the bed, and lay down, facing the wall. No words.

Ben stood in the doorway for a moment, unsure of what to say or do. She was here, finally, his heart was pounding, still, but it had amounted to this? He turned to leave… and felt something like that old feeling brewing again. That excitement.

***

As Rey lay there, her tears starting to dry up, she could hear a soft noise reverberating through the halls of the ship. She couldn’t quite make it out. Wearily, she pushed aside the bedsheets and tread nervously toward the door, and listened out… was that sizzling? She motioned for the door and it opened, and she started tracing the source of the sound. Hissing and spitting, like meat in a pan. She turned a corner to a room between the ship’s side corridors, and listened in further. It sounded like cutlery being used, the soft squish of meat being cut and pushed. She opened the door.

Ben turned around and leapt about a foot.

“Oh.” He said, his voice trapped in surprise, excitement, and fear, all at once. “I was just-,”

“Are you cooking?” She took a look behind him, and, sure enough, saw an oven, on top of it a grill with a frying pan on top of that, inside a fresh cut of meat sizzling in olive oil. She’d neglected to acknowledge the fact that Ben was wearing a stark black apron.

“I thought… after what happened, I should try to help you settle in.” He said, visibly sweating. She felt like he was only in the second phase of a three-phase plan. “So, I thought I’d cook something for you.” She walked over and looked at the meal. He had no cookbook on a datapad anywhere. Medium rare. “It’s almost done.” He said, gesturing to a mess table with two benches to his right. “Do you want to take a seat?” Rey slowly nodded, feeling a sense of dreamlike disbelief.

“Sure.” She said, a little meekly. She slid onto the bench facing the room and watched him work. He seemed to take so much care with the meat, running back and forth between closets and pantries, gathering spices and garnishes and adding what looked like a finely tuned amount of each. Eventually, he turned off the gas, and let it simmer. He took out a huge spatula and delicately placed the cut on a chopping board, where he sliced it into two equal slices. He took each and put them onto two immaculate china plates, found knives and forks, and finally, turned to Rey. He laid the plate down, and sat opposite her. He looked up at her, then down at his food… and then back to her.

“I hope you like it.” He said. Rey felt a little overcome.

“It’s a little weird-,”

“What is?” Ben looked a little panicked. “Sorry.”

“Having food like this made for me.” She took a bite. It was delicious, mouth-watering. “Scavenging on Jakku, you only have enough for so much? I don’t think I’ve ever eaten something… _prepared_ , before.” Ben tried not to blush.

“Is it good?” He asked.

“It’s incredible.” She took another bite. “Really-,” she said, talking with her mouth full, “You have a serious talent for cooking.” She sat and, while chewing the meat, thought about where she was. She swallowed, and sat in silence for a minute or so.

“Rey?” Ben asked her, “The food _is_ okay, right?”

“All of my friends are gone.” Pause. “And here I am, sitting with Kylo Ren on his command shuttle… having dinner with him.” They each stayed silent. Ben got up, went to a closet, and pulled out a bottle of white wine. He poured each of them a glass, and raised his as he sat down. He took a deep breath, heart pounding, mind racing, and said;

“Here’s to new beginnings.” Rey felt like she should be shocked, offended… all of it. But, lazily, she just raised her glass to his.

“Cheers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel like this chapter might divide people, but I really enjoyed writing it. Please leave some comments, hope you all really enjoyed!


	5. No Longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up aboard his Upsilon Command Shuttle and remembering where she was, Rey seeks out Ben Solo and, feeling her anger dormant inside her, she challenges him to spar with her.

Rey awoke groggy and sick. Her eyes caked in thick droves of sleep, she felt a burning in her stomach as she gazed lazily around the room. It took a moment for her to remember where she was. The remembrance hit her like a wave, overpowering her. Her head fell further into her pillow, her body feeling impossibly heavy. She almost tried to force herself back to sleep, were it not for the faint noises she could hear rumbling down the corridors towards her. It sounded like a faint crackling along with the occasional burst of loud noise, like a lightsaber deflecting blaster fire. She thought maybe she should be worried, but she felt a feeling of indifference as she clambered out of bed to wander over and investigate. As she opened her door, she could hear Kylo grunting with each loud spat of noise. Making sure to tread carefully, she peeked around the end of the corridor into the bridge.

He was surrounded by at least six training droids, each firing weakened blaster bolts at him. He was wearing a black vest with his leather gloves, giving his bulky arms room to flow and respond. His lightsaber glowed and hissed against the reflective floor, ceiling and walls, as he expertly caught and absorbed every shot. Rey watched him, completely absorbed in his training. Spinning to-and-fro from droid to droid, he let his hair flow around his head as his weapon curved in mighty arcs around him. He came so close to slicing the droids in half, but always knew how far to keep his saber away to protect them. The fire grew in intensity rapidly, with more shots fired per second as each one passed them by, until the light of his weapon became almost a pure sheet of red hiding him from her. A faint beeping could be heard beneath it all, growing faster and faster with each flurry of his weapon, until-

_BEEP._

_“Training Session Complete.”_ Buzzed a low droid-like voice from the bridge computer.

The droids wound down and flew to various parts of the bridge. Breathing heavily, Kylo turned to look at Rey. He flinched a little, but didn’t jump, or look embarrassed. He turned his saber off, and tried to catch his breath.

“You sleep well?” He asked, holstering the weapon. He walked a little closer.

“…Fine…” Rey said, looking him up and down. She felt unsure of how to feel about what she’d just seen. “Do you train like this every morning?”

“Oh…” He said, looking a slight bit regretful, “I mean… some days, I like to.” Rey could feel a thought running through him that translated what he said. He hadn’t trained a day since Crait, yet here he was, sweating like a dog, immersed in his craft. She suddenly felt perky, as if she hadn’t just climbed out of bed.

“Could you…” She asked, smiling, “Wait a minute? I’ll be right back.” He nodded promptly.

“Of course.” She scuttled off to her room, and grabbed her saber from her bedside. On her way out, she stopped in the doorway. She pondered with herself… before turning back around and rummaging in her bag. She found three hairbands, and tied her hair up into her favourite arrangement of three buns. She felt a little more equipped. She walked out onto the bridge, holding her saber closely by her side. Ben looked a little nervous as he saw it by her side.

“Best of three?” Rey asked, twirling the hilt. Through his heaving chest and tired mind, Ben could sense something in her. That anger she’d felt when they spoke on the Falcon so long ago. He took a deep breath, and prepared himself for the worst.

“If you insist.” He flicked his saber on, the red blades burning the walls with their sickly crimson glow. Rey did the same, her flickering blue blades drowning a half of the room in a cold, icy colour. She spun the saber behind her back, one blade tracing her right leg, the other peering from behind her head.

Ben waited, for just a moment.

_CLASH._

Rey brought down the uppermost blade on his. He caught it with a crackling burst of light, and dashed back. He spun it dexterously in front of him. Rey did the same. A show of force. She remembered her more than a decade of fighting with a staff on Jakku. This saber was nothing new to her.

 _CLASH,_ again, she brought a flurry of strikes down on his blade, the bathing glow of red and blue light struck apart by bursts of a bright white from their battle. Ben pushed against her, his strength greater, she dashed back against the wall.

“Why so defensive?” She asked, twirling her sword again. Ben had nothing. She grinned. “Come on.” She dashed forward and cut upward with the lower blade, he could barely block it in time. “Are you scared?” She brought down another blow from above, but this time, letting Rey sense his anger, Ben caught the blade on his crossguard, and forced it to one side with a heavy grunt. She lost control, and her saber fell to the ground. Ben made sure to turn it off with his mind before it landed.

“One zero.” He said. She expected to feel a smug aura about him, but there was none. He was blank, neutral. She pulled her weapon back with the force and reignited it, charging at him from below. He dashed backward, spinning around and catching her saber with his as he sent it spinning behind him. He landed perfectly, albeit breathing exasperated. He could feel more and more anger emanating from Rey. “Don’t lose yourself.” He said through bated breath, yet could barely finished as she let out a rasping battle roar and charged at him, eyes burning, against his saber. She forced him back into a saber lock. They pushed against one another, just like they had in the forest.

“Rey-,” Ben shouted over the spitting of the blades, “You need to calm down-,” She roared at him, forcing him to kneel beneath her. She could feel fear coursing through his veins. A terrified, shaking fear, like a rat cornered by a dog. “Please-,” He murmured… but she couldn’t hear him. With one hard thrust, Ben was thrown against the wall, his saber turning off as it fell from his hands. “Okay…” he said, exhausted, “I-,”

“RAH!” Rey screamed, reaching out with her right hand.

Purple sparks flew like wildfire from her fingertips, zapping through the air and plunging into Ben’s body like razor wire. His legs gave way, and he collapsed immediately. Rey recoiled, looking down at her hands, the sparks flowing gently around her fingers… before her eyes drifted to his motionless form.

“…Ben?” She walked over, slowly. “Ben?”

***

“Ben?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                “Ben?”

 

 

 

                                   

 

 

 

 

 

                                    “Ben?!”

 

 

 

 

His vision had begun to clear. He opened his eyes just a crack… and saw Rey, sitting just next to him. He let his eyes drift a little. He was back in his own bed, under a thin blanket. On his bedside table, there was a bottle of water, an opened package of bandages, various medications pulled from his cabinets. He tried not to make a sound. He could tell, Rey thought he was still unconscious. He could sense her mind was troubled. She felt all manner of terrible things, grief, loss, guilt, fear. He felt like he should find it hard to decipher all of these, but… knowing what she’d been through these past two days, it wasn’t that hard to empathise with her.

She flinched, and turned around. He sighed and let his eyes open all the way.

“Ben…” Her face betrayed a look of compassion. The sense of anger in her was buried behind a thick wall of guilt, even care. “Does it hurt?” He sat up, slowly. His stomach strained and hurt as he did so.

“A little.” His voice was hoarse and rough. The memories of what happened started seeping back in. “I’m a little more worried about you, though.” Rey flinched again. She turned away. “Do you know what that was?”

…

“What you did, just then?”

“No.” She said, looking down at her hands.

“Force lightning. It’s something only those powerful in the dark side could ever achieve.” He noticed Rey’s hands tensing and balling up. “They have to train, sometimes for years, to get even a spark. Even I haven’t been able to use it, not yet.” She didn’t say anything. He could feel sadness building inside her, but still, he spoke up again; “How do you feel?” She turned to face him again. Sitting upright now, she and Ben were mere inches apart.

“I don’t think I even wanted to hurt you.” She said, her voice disturbed and thick with emotion, “It just came out of me, I didn’t even-,”

“But you felt that anger, didn’t you?” Rey looked attacked.

“No… no, it-,”

“You did. I could feel it.”

“But-,”

“That look in your eyes, while you had me against the wall. You looked just like you did in the forest.” Rey withdrew. Again, she stayed silent. “That anger is a part of you, Rey.”

“But anger leads to hate,” she said, “and hate-,”

“Leads to suffering. Luke told me that too, but, Rey…” He held a piercing eye contact. “How long could you have kept that anger hidden?”

…

“What would’ve happened if you’d just held it inside?”

…

“Because it’s ‘not the Jedi way’?”

…

Rey recognized a feeling in Ben as he paused. Apprehension. This strange contortion of fear and excitement brewing in him.

“That anger you have will _never_ go away.” His breathing became quick and unchecked. He started stammering a little. “The more you fight it the more it’ll fight you.” She opened her mouth to object but couldn’t think of what to say. “Rey.” Ben’s words became steeled by resolve. His breathing slowed to become controlled. “I want you to control that power. I don’t want to see it come to control you.”

Silence fell upon the room like a sheet of darkness. The whirring of the ship’s engines and the cold emptiness of space beyond became silent against the soft beating of their hearts.

“So…” Rey said, her words sceptical and cautious, “What do you plan to do?”

The emotions she felt in him went form a brewing excitement to a frothing and bubbling anticipation. He paused for what seemed an age, total silence cursing their space, still. He was shaking. He forced himself to take a deep breath. One, two, three…

“What you’ve just done is more than enough proof for me.” His words were icy and gushing with sincerity. “With Snoke gone, you and I are the most powerful beings in the galaxy.” He looked into her eyes and tried to gauge the way she felt. A torrent of emotion, good, bad, for, against, none of it lined up. He steeled himself and went on; “If you and I train together, if we work together from hereon, we could dismantle the entire First Order, by ourselves. Just you and me. We could bring up a new Empire, or whatever you want to call it. Whatever you want it to be.” He wanted to pull himself back, he felt so much fear, so much regret. But this was his moment. He’d gone in too far now. He had to finish it. “So I’m asking you,” He said, extending his hand across the bed towards her, and removing his glove, “Rey. Will you join me?”

She had nothing to say. Her mind was so ablaze with thought, worry, regret, so much so that her feelings appeared to Ben as an illegible mess. Closing her eyes, she knew what she had to say.

“In the past month or so…” She began, letting a small tear loose, “I’ve lost two men who were fathers to me, two who were friends, and the closest thing to a mother I might’ve ever had.” Another tear fell from her other eye. “It’s just so much.” She shook her head. “It’s too much, I-,”

As she stammered on through her tears and trembling lips, Ben moved his hand around, and rested it on her shoulder. Taking heavy breaths, she fell forward, and lay her head on his chest.

“It’s okay.” He said, running his thumb around in little circles on her shoulder, stroking her ever so slightly. There was no anger. No regret, no remorse, nor guilt, fear, none of it. Just a want to care. A want to protect. Despite how she’d brought him low just a few hours ago, he looked down at the crying girl in his arms and saw how fragile she’d become.

“I want…” She murmured, softly, “I need time.”

“Of course.” He whispered back.

“I need time to think, I…” Ben sensed apprehension, then apathy. “I just want not to worry. Just for a little while.”

“Of course.” He whispered again.

They didn’t feel a need for words beyond that. Just listening to the sound of their heartbeats, their breathing, the soft bristling of Rey’s hair against Ben’s chest. After the soft and steady river of tears had dried on her cheeks, Rey spoke up again;

“…Ben?” She asked, her throat clogged and dry, “You won’t leave me, will you?” He felt that sense of tiredness in her again. That exhaustion. Pulling her in closer, he said in as soft a voice as he could;

“I’ll always be here.”

They lay together for a time neither of them cared to check. Rey fell asleep before long, her weariness finally laying her down, but Ben staid upright, his hands tightly around her. As their ship glided gently through the stars, its thrusters purring, he smiled to himself, feeling something in his heart he hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So sorry this one took so long, I've been dealing with a lot of depression lately and, more relevantly, a lack of motivation. Some comments would really help me out! Anything works, even a single word answer. But I digress, I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Thank you!


	6. Let It Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben burn memoirs of their past, and tend to one another as they lament in its passing.

Rey was fast asleep on Ben’s bed. She fell asleep after little time, and he’d laid her down gently, bringing her another blanket that she’d, in her slumber, pulled tight up to her chin. He started strolling out of the room, stopping at the doorway to look back at her. The look of neutrality on her face was arresting. After so much grief, he was relieved to see her without much to feel. No bad dreams, just nothing. He figured that’s what she’d been wanting.

In truth, something else had been weighing on Ben’s mind. The price of this prize he’d won. The losses incurred on Hutta. He’d been hesitant to think about their names. He made his way back to his desk on the ship’s bridge, and slowly made for the drawer with his drawings in. He pulled out several blank parchments, and one rolled up to the far right of the metal tray. Laying the blank paper on the desk, he unravelled the other. Looking at the face drawn on it, he felt almost numb. Blinded by smaller feelings gnawing at him from within.

Leia. The same way she was on the day she passed, her grey cloak fluttering in an imagined wind that sent her greying hair in a whirl around her head. Her face cold and stern as it always was. His eyes trailed from her to the rest of the rolls of parchment scattered on his desk. Pulling up a chair, he pulled a pen from his inkwell, and with a heavy heart, the pit of his stomach churning with uncomfortable emotion, he set it to the paper and wrote;

_“The woman who thought I was meant for greatness.”_

He tapped the paper, softly.

_“The general who led until the bitter end.”_

A million words surged through his mind. His eyes drifted from the words to her face. Pristine and immaculate as she had always been, her eyes gazing off to the horizon.

_“The mother who lost hope in her wayward son.”_

Clutching the pen hard enough to snap it, he dipped the nib in his inkwell, knowing one more line was left. Slowly, the pen grazed the parchment, as he gradually etched upon the paper in the thick black ink, the words;

_“I’ll make her proud.”_

“Ben?”

He snapped around, and saw Rey standing in the doorway. His parchment, inkwell and pens all on display. He flinched and tried to hide the drawing, but as he went to take hold of the paper, he knew she’d seen what was on it. Without a word, he moved aside and invited Rey to come over. She looked down at the drawing with wide eyes.

“Ben…” she said, her voice soft and choked by sleep, yet behind it there was an air of surprise, movement, “I had no idea, how-,” she wrenched her gaze from the drawing and toward him. “How long have you been doing this?”

“It’s, it’s um-,” he stammered, trying to stop his cheeks from flushing, “It’s been a hobby since I was little.” She pulled up a chair and sat down beside him, scanning the paper. Ben didn’t stop her from reading the words on the page. He knew what he had to say but the words refused to pass his lips. He watched, nervous, as her eyes trailed down the page, before halting at the foot, becoming wide with surprise, and turning towards him. The need to speak pushed forward, and he said; “I’m going to make a page like this for everyone from the past, and I’m going to burn them all, one by one.” Rey’s eyes stayed wide, now with a look of admiration. She nodded, slowly, turning back to the gorgeous imagining of Leia’s portrait. Ben wanted to keep talking. “There’s nothing left for me there. I’ve always liked being ceremonious about this kind of thing.”

“I understand.” She said, still impressed by the idea. Maybe even proud. Ben sensed her heart start to fall heavy in her chest. “Could…” She began, “Could I…?”

“Of course.” He said, reaching for another page and unfurling it in front of her. He dipped his pen in fresh ink, and handed it to her, delicately. She shuffled closer to the desk on her chair. Ben watched her as, with almost no hesitation, she began writing.

_“The Stormtrooper who faced down the First Order.”_

Despite the resolve on her face, Ben could see her hand tremble as she penned the next line;

_“The Resistance hero who fought for those he loved.”_

She closed her eyes. She didn’t want to cry. She’d done that enough.

_“The friend who saw more in me.”_

Ben felt sadness clouding around her like miasma. He felt an urge to put his arm around her like before, but he couldn’t move them. Nerves locked him in place. She went to write the final line, the pen lazily scratching the page, like she was pushing it through a thick slime.

_“I hope he’d be proud of me.”_

As she trembled, shaking the pen, Ben quickly moved to break the silence ready to drown them.

“It’s beautiful.” He said.

“…”

“It is?” She asked. Her eyes didn’t move from the page. He nodded, a little shaken.

“I think he’d be proud of you.” Ben watched as she wrote at the top of the page;

_“Finn”_

Her aurebesh handwriting wasn’t anything incredible, but Ben could see on the marks where she’d turned the pen, the black colour of the ink was piercing and intense. She was shaking. She put the pen down on the desk, forcefully, almost breaking it.

“Wherever he is, maybe he’s proud of me.” She said, her words struggling to mask the anger she felt. That Ben felt in her, too.

“You haven’t given in.” Ben surprised himself with how genuine he felt, saying these things.

“I suppose there’s that.” She said, her face steeling into an icy-cold blandness. Over the next few hours, they sat together in an awkward harmony, making estranged conversation about nothing at all here and there, as they wrote their memories for those they’d lost. Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Poe Dameron, Rose Tico, too. Rey watched as, after a little break he’d taken to think, Ben wrote on a new sheet;

 _“The Master who underestimated me.”_ Headed by _“Snoke”._ No titles. No drawing. Rey felt proud of him, too, as he looked with a tiny glimmer of a smile at his creation, almost like a headstone for a hard-fought foe. She didn’t think to say anything, but Ben felt her admiration like the warmth of a glowing white sun. He sat back.

“I don’t have anyone else to do.” He said, exasperated. He turned to her, inviting her opinion.” Rey shook her head.

“I think that’s everyone.” She said, struggling to smile, managing a little smirk, if nothing else. Reaching over and rolling up their commemorations, Ben turned to the ship’s controls. “Where are we going?” Rey asked, standing up and glancing out of the huge front-window above the desk.

“Chandrila.” He said, breathless, as he typed its coordinates into the ship’s computer. “The place where I was born. There’s a forest far away from anywhere that I like to visit sometimes.” He held his finger on the hyperdrive lever. He’d been floating near that sun for so long. He gripped the control with fierce vigour, driving it forward. The ship lunged into the blue beyond, as the stars stretched before their eyes, soon becoming nothing but the brilliant azure tunnel they both knew so well.

As they flew on, Ben felt something weighing on him. He turned to Rey, wanting to reassure her.

“I know you’re tired,” he said, his voice soft and caring, “And I know this is something a little overemotional after all you’ve been through.”

“It’s okay.” She said, her voice gentle too. She got up and stood, side by side with him, gazing out into the bright burning blue beyond the glass. “I want this too.”

“You’re sure?” He asked, turning to her. She stayed focused on the horizon.

“The longer I wait to feel this pain,” She said, her voice growing and becoming stronger, “the longer it’ll be before I keep living.” She paused, before turning to him. “Thank you, Ben. Really.” She looked down at his lips turning and stretching in awkward patterns, yet she sensed strong feelings burning inside him. She felt words behind her lips but didn’t know how to arrange them. She felt sweat beading on her forehead, sharing in that crackling nervousness emanating from him. They each broke eye contact at once, the shimmering aqua glow painting a glistening outline around them both.

_SHOOM._

The ship came out of hyperspace in an instant. The surface of Chandrila obscured the entirety of their window. Lush forests, winding rivers, gushing oceans, bustling utopia. Ben set the ship into a fast descent, into the centre of a thick wood which stretched for thousands of miles in every direction. The two stood in silence as they came down into the atmosphere, the system’s sun cutting a line of darkness and light straight through the centre of the forest. Golden twilight shone filled their vision as they fell deeper and deeper toward the trees below.

They each felt burning emotion in one another but had no words to describe what or how it moved them. They stayed in perfect silence, nothing but the rumbling of the ship’s engines permeating their immaculate quiet. Before long, the ship was hovering above a small clearing amidst a thicket of tall pines. With a deft flick of a few switches, the ship began descending into the forest. Its engines quieted, landing gear deployed, whirring, burning, smoke poured from below, it rose up, and up, and up, until…

Calm. The ship powered down. The engines turned off, at last. The light outside was still golden, bright as ever. They each turned around together, walked down the corridors of the ship together, and disembarked down the black metal ramp together. The humid warmth of the forest and the heat of the sun felt them like a blessing. Each armed with their sabers, they turned to face one another.

“Find a tree.” Ben said. “Take a few branches with your sword.”

“Okay.” She said, taking her weapon out.

“Don’t be too long.” He reminded her. She nodded complacently and turned upon her duty.

The log fire didn’t take long to build. They each wandered to opposite ends of the clearing and, with the sparkling blades of their weapons, carved out shavings of timber that they slung beneath their arms and carried to a pile in the circle of trees’ centre, where Ben had left a satchel full of their memorials. While collecting a pile of branches from the floor, Rey looked over at Ben, brandishing his burning red sword, cutting away at the trees. He looked calm. Collected. Even content. She was so used to see him wield the sword with anger and ferocity that seeing him use it as such a calm tool was arresting to her. She watched him gather lumber for a while. He didn’t seem to notice. In his long, dramatic black cloak, his windswept hair dancing about his face, the furious and broken Kylo Ren was so out of place muddying his boots and getting splinters in his gloves. As he turned toward the centre with more wood and kindling under his arms, he noticed Rey watching. She quickly turned to her pile and carried it to the centre to meet him.

Saying nothing, they each got to work arranging the tinder, kindling and logs, and before long an uneven but impressive pyre had been built. Taking a deep breath, Ben turned to her.

“Shall we both do the honours?” He asked. The wind blew gently through the clearing. Rey ignited her saber, the blue blades a gushing font of colour against the soft golden glow above her. Ben did the same, his sword bursting with that same red hue. They extended their arms to the pile of logs, and without even counting down, harmoniously plunged their blades into the pile.

The pyre shot up with a tongue of flame that licked the sky, the fierce red orange curling around the yellow glow from aloft. The fire grew and devoured the stack of wood it came from, the warmth washing over Rey and Ben. Retrieving the satchel from the ground, Ben took out the roll of papers, and, crossing his legs, sat down in the weeds next to the raging inferno. Rey joined him. He pulled out the first leaf of parchment.

“General Hux.” He said, his voice free of emotion. He pondered. “I’m glad I got out before you could kill me.” He tossed the page into the fire, shrugging. Rey smiled at him. She felt proud. He pulled the next page from the roll. He handed it to Rey. Unfurling it, her heart sank.

“Finn.” She said, shivering as the night crept along behind her, bringing a cold wind to her skin. “You were my best friend.” No tears. “My only friend. I wish-,” She closed her eyes, they were welling up, “I wish you could’ve-,” her lips trembled, “Could’ve been here to see me.” She leant forward, holding the paper just inches from the fire. Ben saw her fingers tightening around the page. A lick of flame touched its back, and it caught alight. She still held on. Her skin went red, she grimaced in the pain… before she let it go. The parchment curled up, its edges blackened, and the writing fell under the carbon growing on it. “Fly high.” She said, letting herself cry. “Fly far, far away from here.”

She stopped moving, sitting in solemn silence.

“Rey?” Ben called to her. She looked up, slowly, her eyes bright red, her face wet. He beckoned to her. She crept over and sat beside him, Ben’s right leg crossed over her left. He held out the next page.

“Luke Skywalker.” He said.

Pause.

“Like a grumpy, well-meaning father to me.” Rey said, mustering a weak smirk.

“I know your heart was always pure.” Ben said, shivering. “We failed each other, but I think I always knew you cared.”

“You taught me everything I knew about the force, the light, the darkness, and the balance.” Rey felt goose bumps touch her skin. “I am who I am with what you gave me.”

“You changed my life.” Ben lamented, grimacing, “You were a brother to my mother and a close friend to my father.” He paused, longer than Rey had expected. “In a strange way, I think I’ll miss you.” Rey nodded. Clutching the paper together, they tossed it into the fire, and watched it burn like the rest.

Sitting together, each page went by quicker than the last.

_“Han Solo.”_

_“A father to both of us.”_

_“I wish you’d been there longer.”_

_“You didn’t know how to show it, but you had a big heart._

_“Poe Dameron.”_

_“You loved so hard and it broke you.”_

_“You had a spirit anyone else would kill to have.”_

_“You were hated by no one and loved by so many.”_

_“Wherever you are, you’re probably making people happy.”_

_“Rose Tico.”_

_“We didn’t know you as well as we wanted to.”_

_“You were the spirit and the fire of the Resistance.”_

_“Leia Organa.”_

_“…”_

Rey looked over at Ben with narrow eyes. He didn’t know what to say. Rey went to say something, but he cut her off;

“You believed in me, and I failed you. I loved you so much and I couldn’t bring myself to see what I’d become.” Rey was shocked. “I won’t disappoint you anymore.” With those final words, he threw the paper into the fire with vigour, and let his hands sink. Their eyes illuminated by the flickering flame, Ben saw two pages left.

_“Snoke.”_

Rey let him take this on his own.

“You were everything I wanted to grow beyond.” He said. His lips began trembling. “You hurt me and abused me every day I spent under your guidance. I shouldn’t even be paying homage to you, but in truth I think I just wanted something to burn.”

…

“Ben?”

He crushed the paper up, before throwing it into the fire where it vanished into the flames. He saw Rey staring, and he chuckled.

“Sorry.” He whispered.

“It’s okay.” She reassured him. Ben looked at his feet. There was just a single page left. As he turned it over, it was blank. Without hesitation, he turned to Rey.

“Is there anyone else?” He asked, his voice calm, and patient. A burning want in Rey’s heart spoke to her. She took the paper from him.

“Can I have a pen?” She asked, the calm nature of the question undercut by an icy coldness. He obliged, and from the satchel he handed her one of his ink pens. Stretching the parchment against the grass, she breathed deeply, closing her eyes, and steeling herself.

 _“My Parents.”_ She wrote. Her hand trailed down the page like a knife’s edge across the belly of a pig, and she finished, with;

 _“I don’t need you anymore.”_ Then, above those words, she took the pen and, in the space where portraits of the others had been drawn, she let her hand etch thick, black circles into the page, taking up the entire space. She threw her arm around it, faster and faster, until all that was left was a thick, inky black circle, with her teardrops soaking the page, and becoming ink along with them. She threw it into the fire with the anger Ben knew her for.

Breathing, exasperated, Rey sighed, lying back on the grass, her hair mixing with the rough dirt of the ground. Ben shrugged, shuffling over to lie next to her.

“How do you feel?” He asked. Rey almost laughed.

“I don’t know how in the hell I’m supposed to answer that.” She said, and Ben laughed with her.

“Fair point.” He said. “I don’t think anyone would know how to feel after this much shit happening.”

“Hear, hear.” She said, her voice dimming a touch.

The conversation lulled for a moment. The flickering of the fire, the chirping of birds, and the whistle of the wind was all they could hear.

“Rey?” Ben asked, suddenly.

“Hmm?” She replied.

“We could stay here as long as you wanted, you know.”

“What?”

“What’s stopping us?” He mused, “There’s no First Order chasing us. No Resistance to protect.” She chuckled.

“Yeah, you’re right.” She looked up over her chest at the fire raging before them. “It’s all over there.”

“So, we don’t have anything to worry about, do we?” He asked.

“I guess…” She pondered, “I guess not.”

“I know…” Ben went on, resting on his side to turn and face her, “I know neither of us can talk about how we feel, but if you’d be okay with it-,”

“Yeah?” She asked, amused.

“Do you… at least… feel good about all this?”

She rolled over, as he had, to face him. Their faces mere inches apart. She smiled, a warmth flowing through her.

“Yeah.” She said. “I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY FUCK this one took a while depression is such a cunt HOWEVER I am really proud of how this turned out and I hope you guys enjoyed reading it <3 Reylo therapy is really close to my heart and I hope it's something you guys can get into and enjoy <3 COMMENTS ARE SO APPRECIATED PLEASE TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL AND IF YOU LOVED IT OR HATED IT OR IN BETWEEN <3

**Author's Note:**

> This is the start of what'll hopefully be a very long series. I'm complete GARBAGE for this ship and want to develop their relationship in a way that feels right. Why wait two years for Episode IX when you can get your Reylo fix right here? Stay tuned and let me know what you think! If you wanna criticize my writing please feel free to do so, and be as harsh as you like. Thanks for reading!
> 
> ALSO please follow my Tumblr at https://ladyreyloren.tumblr.com/ I'm gonna be compiling the chapters there in a big masterpost (of which a reblog would be most appreciated huehuehuehue)


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